President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Episcopal Church outside
Washington as part of his campaign to restore his poll standings.
Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him, "We've
been getting a lot of bad publicity because of the president's position on
stem cell research, the Iraq war, Katrina, and the like.
We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your
sermon you'd say the President is a saint."
The Bishop thought it over for a few moments and finally said, "The Church
is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."
Bush showed up for the sermon and the Bishop began:
"I'd like to speak to you all this morning about our President.
George Bush is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel.
He took the tragedy of September 11 and used it to frighten and manipulate
the American people. He lied about weapons of mass destruction and invaded
Iraq for oil and money, causing the deaths of tens of thousands and making
the United States the most hated country on Earth.
"He appointed cronies to positions of power and influence, leading to
widespread death and destruction during Hurricane Katrina. He awarded
contracts and tax cuts to his rich friends so that we now have more poverty
in this country, and a greater gap between rich and poor, than we've had
since the Depression. He instituted illegal wiretaps when getting a warrant
from a secret court would have been a mere administrative detail, had his
henchmen lie to Congress about it, then claimed he is above the law.
"He has headed the most corrupt, bribe-inducing political party since Teapot
Dome. The national surplus has turned into a staggering national debt of 7.6
trillion dollars, gas prices are up 85%, and vital research into global
warming and stem cells is stopped cold because he's afraid to lose votes
from some religious kooks.
"He is the worst example of a true Christian I've ever known.
But compared to Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, George Bush is a saint."